Poetry       Discount Christmas By Hollywood Don It's a discount kind of Christmas Like it is most every year Your pocket book is empty And the music brings a tear You're trying to stretch your twenty And find some bargains near Blinking lights and sleigh bells Bent trumpets in your ears The checkout line is frightening Weird germs are in the air There's a fight back in the dressing room with a shoplifter lurking near It's a discount kind of Christmas Like it is most every year It's the same way every Christmas And you're broke again this year The streets outside are slippery Cars sliding to and fro Bird fingers in the windows Broken tail lights on the snow The cell phone you just sat on Is ringing right under your ass She wants you to get some egg nog and bring it on home real fast Your wallet's back at the tavern The one that you weren't at With your credit cards and photos That the bartender's laughing at It's a discount kind of Christmas It's that special time of year Your blood pressure's up and rising Like it does this time each year (chorus) You're used to it now, it just don't matter Keep dwellin on it dude, you'll just get madder Just ring some bells and raise some hell Make the most of it now, don't have a cow It's a discount kind of Christmas It's that crazy time of year Just have some fun, it's okay bud It's that discount time again I better get myself a'movin on up to the 'Dollar' store Hope they've slashed their prices on down a little bit more Oh, I love that little cashier the one in the Santa hat The way she scans my sardines Makes my heart jump up and back Yes, I love a discount Christmas That stressful time of year Think I'll get myself some peanuts and if I'm lucky, a little Jack It's a jingle, jungle, Christmas A discount time for all I'm about to slide away my friend Just stepped on a malted milk ball It's a discount kind of Christmas A time for us to cheer Need to find myself a honey Who's ready to chug some beer HO HO HO Here we go It's that discount time again It's a special time without a dime A time we shouldn't fear It's a discount kind of Christmas It's that old time crunch again. Ho Ho Ho, Let's have some fun It's Christmas time again Find me a ho, oh ho, ho, ho Christmas time is near I may be poor in a discount store But I'm glad that Christmas is here